Relationships & marriage

If you are on a date and feel nervous or unsafe, you should go and speak to staff in the place where you are to see if they can help you leave quietly, possibly through a fire exit or back door.

In some pubs and nightclubs there is an ‘Ask for Angela’ scheme – you go to the bar and ask to speak to ‘Angela’. This is a code word that tells the bar staff you are worried about your date and you want to leave as quickly as possible. Look for signs on the back of toilet doors that the venue takes part in the scheme.

Violence and abuse towards a partner is a serious crime in the UK. This includes mental abuse, controlling behaviour, controlling your money, rape and violence. Your gender and sexuality do not matter. You do not need to be married or in a civil partnership.

There are many organisations that can help. They can even find you a safe house to stay in, if you need to escape from your partner.

• Call the police on 101 (if it is an emergency, call 999). Calls are free
• Women can call the 24hr National Domestic Abuse number on 0808 2000 247. It is run by a charity called Refuge and calls are free. There is also a Domestic Abuse website.
• The National Centre for Domestic Violence can help men and women. See ncdv.org.uk or call 0800 970 2070. Calls are free
• LGBT+ people can go to the LGBT+ anti-violence charity Galop website, or call their helpline on 0800 999 5428. Calls are free.
• Some pharmacies (including Boots, Superdrug Pharmacy, Morrisons Pharmacy and some independent pharmacies) offer a safe space for domestic abuse victims to find help and support. Just go to the counter and ask to use their consulting room. More details are on the Safe Spaces website.

If you are worried that your partner might have been violent towards their previous partners, you have the right find out. This is called Clare’s Law and was started in memory of a woman who was murdered by her ex-boyfriend. Contact your local police for help.

You can also get in contact with the police to ask for information if you are worried about a friend or family member.

It is against the law to share intimate photographs or films of someone with aim of causing distress to that person. An example would be if your ex-partner has naked photographs of you and puts them on the internet.

New changes to the law will mean it is also illegal to even threaten to share this type of material. People who do it could go to prison for up to 2 years. Contact the police if you need help with this kind of crime.

The age where people can legally have sex is 16. It does not matter if it is heterosexual sex or homosexual sex.

It is illegal to have sex with anyone under the age of 16 (this includes oral sex, anal sex and masturbating together).

Trusted people (teachers, doctors etc) cannot have sex with anyone that they care for under the age of 18. People who break this law could go to prison for life.

• Read more about the law on the FPA Sexual Health website.

Yes, they are legal in the UK. It is even possible to marry your same-sex partner. A survey in 2015 showed that 60% of people support gay/lesbian relationships.

If you would like to meet other transgender people, there are many specialist bars and nightclubs, as well as phone apps.

The LGBT Foundation is a charity for that helps gay and lesbian people. They offer advice, support and information.

If you experience any violence or hate crime, you can talk to the charity Galop. They are a specialist charity for LGBT+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and asexual) people. They are confidential and independent of the police.

Being openly transgender is becoming more accepted. If you would like to meet other transgender people, there are specialist bars and nightclubs, as well as apps.

The LGBT Foundation is a charity for that helps transgender people. They offer advice, support and information.

If you experience any violence or hate crime, you can talk to the charity Galop. They are a specialist charity for LGBT+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and asexual) people. They are confidential and independent of the police.

Marriage and civil partnership is a legal process and is not very quick or easy. It is more complicated if one of you is not a British citizen. The rules depend on where you come from, which country you are living in and whether you want to live in Britain once you are married.

Before your marriage or civil partnership, you must ‘give notice’ at your local register office at least 29 days before the ceremony.

The official documents you might need are:

• Personal identification
• Address (for example, a utility bill)
• Changes of name
• Declaration of Immigration Status
• Any previous divorce
• Any previous annulment
• Visa or permit (see question below).

During the wedding, you will sign a marriage document. If you are not married in a register office, you (or a friend) must take the document to a register office soon after the wedding, otherwise you could be fined £1,000. Read more about getting married/forming a civil partnership on the main government website.

SCOTLAND: The process in Scotland is a bit different. Read more on the National Records of Scotland website.

If you want to marry someone from the UK, but are not British or don’t have Indefinite Leave to Remain, you usually need to apply for a special visa or permit. There are some exceptions, however.

There are 2 types of visa:

• Family Visa (if you want to stay more than 6 months). It costs at least £1,000
• Marriage or Civil Partnership Visitor Visa (if you don’t want to stay more than 6 months). It costs £93.

For a Family Visa, you need to prove you have been in the relationship for at least 2 years or that you will marry/get a civil partnership within 6 months of entering the UK.

You might also have to prove how good you are at English and that you have enough money to support yourself.

Marrying a British person does not give you automatic rights to stay permanently in the UK. Go to the MOVING TO BRITAIN chapter for more information.

• Go to the main government website for updated information about marriages and civil partnership.

Only religious buildings, register offices and places with a special marriage licence can host a marriage. Civil partnerships cannot have a religious ceremony.

There are about 40,000 religious buildings where marriages are allowed. Only 22% of weddings were in a religious building in 2017. Most people have their ceremony in a non-religious building (these are usually hotels, but also some castles, stately homes, and sports or leisure venues).

It is also possible to be married/partnered in a register office. This is usually the cheapest option.

You must have 2 witnesses. Be aware that religious songs or readings are only allowed in religious buildings.

When you get married or have a civil partnership, you can keep your original last name or choose your partner’s last name. If you choose to change your name, you will need to show your marriage certificate or civil partnership certificate to prove your name change.

If you get divorced or end your civil partnership and want to use your previous last name in England or Wales, you will need to change it by ‘deed poll’. This is an official document that records your new name. Read more on the main government website.

In Scotland, you can go back to your previous name without needing a deed poll.

Civil partnerships were introduced in 2005 to allow homosexual couples to get similar legal benefits to heterosexual married couples (like pensions, for example).

Since then, it is also possible for homosexual couples to marry or to convert their civil partnership to a marriage. They can do this in a religious ceremony if the venue agrees, but they cannot get married in an Anglican (Church of England) church.

• Read more on the main government website.

The main differences between marriage and civil partnerships are that a civil partnership only needs the signing of a legal document, but words must be said in marriage. Heterosexual couples cannot have a civil partnership. A civil partnership cannot be hosted in a religious building.

Civil partners cannot say they are married for legal purposes, and married people cannot say they are civil partners for legal purposes.

• Read more comparisons on the main government website.

The legal age of marriage or civil partnership is 18 in England and Wales. It is 16 in Scotland. You must be over 18 to apply for a marriage visa.

Arranged marriages are legal, but the marriage can only happen if both people want to get married.

If you feel that you are being forced to marry, call the Forced Marriage Unit on 020 7008 0151. If it is an emergency, call the police on 999.

• For more information about forced marriage, go to the main goverment website.

Divorce is often complex and can be expensive. You don’t have to go to court if you can both agree what to do about your money, home or children.

England & Wales: Since April 2022, the divorce laws in England and Wales have changed to make them less about blaming someone and more about the breakdown of the relationship. You can either apply for a divorce together or singly. You must have been married for at least 1 year.

• Read more about divorce in England & Wales on the main government website.

Scotland: You can get divorced if you feel your marriage cannot be mended. This is called irretrievable breakdown and includes adultery, violence, rape and living separately for at least 1 year. You can also get a divorce if one of you is changing their gender.

• Read more about divorce in Scotland on the Scottish courts website.

A legal separation is a way to live apart from your wife, husband or civil partnership without actually getting divorced or ending the civil partnership. It can be used if you disagree with divorce, need time apart or if you have been married/in a civil partnership for less than 1 year.

Be aware that a legal separation does not mean you can get remarried or get a new civil partnership.

• Read more on the main government website.

Both parents are responsible for their children after a separation, even if they were not married. This means one parent might need to give money to the other parent to help look after the children.

You do not need to go to court – it is best if you can arrange things between you. The independent organisation Citizens Advice can help if you are finding it difficult to agree.

Yes, there are some grounds for annulling a marriage or civil partnership in England & Wales. Annulling is different to divorce because it effectively declares the marriage/civil partnership was not valid from the start. You can apply to annul a marriage at any time after the ceremony, but you must have lived in England or Wales for at least 1 year.

Reasons for annulment are:

• If one person did not agree to marry
• If one had a mental illness that made them unfit for marriage
• If one was pregnant by another person
• If one is changing their gender
• If you never had sex (heterosexual marriage only)
• If one had a infectious sexual disease (marriages only – this is not a reason for annulling a civil partnership)

You cannot annul a marriage in Scotland. However, you can apply to have it declared invalid. Speak to a solicitor (lawyer).

You must have a valid marriage certificate from any country and have been married for at least a year to start divorce in Britain. If at least one of you mostly lives in England & Wales (or Scotland) you should be able to divorce there.

Be aware that if you have a pre-nuptial agreement, it might not be legally binding in the UK and therefore it might be better to divorce in the country where you married.

If you are in Britain on your partner’s visa and you separate or divorce, you must tell the Home Office that you are not together any more. If you want to stay in Britain, you need to get help from an immigration lawyer or advisor. See the main government website for details of where to find them.

You might be able to stay if you have children here, or through your work. You might also be able to stay if you have lived here a long time or if you had to leave your marriage because of violence from your partner.

• The independent organisation Citizens Advice website has more information.